Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
