Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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