Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
