Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
