Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
