my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
