I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
