Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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