So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
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