i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My liver just had a heart attack.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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