I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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