Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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