dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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