He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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