Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
