I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
