I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Dicks are not precious.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
