I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
farters have to be the big spoon...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
