Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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