i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
