What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
