Where are you?
In a non slutty way
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
