Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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