if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
