super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
sex in a hospital.. check
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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