This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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