So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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