I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
