Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We are two peas in an std pod
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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