I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
