i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
