Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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