Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
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