I'm so fucking centered right now
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
