please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
