Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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