Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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