I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
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