I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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