I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
and she was petting her beer can
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The beer is more important than you right now.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
