my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
