what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
