I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
