my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
