you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
