Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
