I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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