You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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