you thought your balls were fighting each other...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
