Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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