it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
