"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
